COVID-19 is in the news and on everyone’s mind. Our children, unfortunately, are not likely an exception. Even when children are shielded from media, peers, siblings, and overheard conversations can give children just enough information to bring forth concern. Children are also incredibly intuitive to their family’s emotions and will pick up on any fear and anxiety their parents or extended family may be feeling.
So what is the best approach to sharing when it comes to children and coronavirus?
Shielding vs. Communicating
With small children, shielding them from troubling information is ideal. Children in early childhood should be kept from the news if possible. This includes making an effort to talk about coronavirus only when they are not present and not exposing them to televised news. Children in young grades, such as first through third, would also ideally be shielded, but exposure to older children on playgrounds or siblings at home means this is less likely to be possible.
When it becomes apparent that the child has knowledge about the virus, then age-appropriate communication can begin, with the foremost focus being to help the child feel safe and more secure. It’s important to communicate once you know a child has some, even very limited, knowledge of the virus to be sure that they do not awfulize the small amount of information they have in the absence of a parent giving age-appropriate guidance.
Listening and Tailoring Responses
If you suspect your child knows about the virus, begin with an open-ended question about what they know and then actively and intently listen. Once their level of knowledge is known, follow up with a question about concerns and listen intently again. By keeping the conversation fluid and open, it will help to prevent oversharing on the parent’s part and bringing more concerns to children then they may already have.
It’s also important to note that adults have different needs for coping than children. While an adult may relieve anxiety by learning all they can or preparing their home for extended quarantine, children will not necessarily take comfort in these measures. Consider that children under twelve will have a primarily emotional response to the news and as such require lots of listening from parents and lots of reassurance.
While this reassurance can involve sharing encouraging data, it’s essential to remember the real question behind the questions, whatever form may take is, “Am I safe? Is our family going to be okay? How can I feel more in control?” As such, answers need to ultimately address these concerns that lie behind questions, even if questions are detailed oriented such as talking transmission rates or talking points picked up from news or an older peer.
A key part of listening will be making sure, as a parent, that you are never dismissive of the child’s fears, even if they seem irrational.
In The New York Times Parenting article How to Talk to Kids About Coronavirus, Abi Gewirtz, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, and professor at the University of Minnesota discusses this issue:
“If your child is afraid because some kid on the bus told him he might die, that’s a real fear and you should take it seriously. If you simply tell the child, you’ll be fine,” they might not feel heard. Listen to them and track what the child is feeling,” she said. “You can say something in a calm voice like, ‘That sounds pretty scary, I can see it in your face.’”
Empowerment and Control
Fear of the unknown and anxiety of what’s to come can often be mitigated by empowerment.
In the Time Magazine article, How to Talk to Your Kids about Coronavirus, Ellen Braaten, co-director of the Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds at Massachusetts General Hospital says there is benefit in reminding children of things that are in their power, like washing their hands and covering their sneezes and coughs to avoid getting and spreading illness. She says, “Knowing there’s something we can do makes us feel less powerless.”
In this study about empowering families and children during a healthcare crisis, experts recommend four areas of focus — choice, agenda-setting, reframing negatives and providing emotional support.
In this current scenario, choice and agenda-setting can look like something as simple as choosing snacks or some favorite activities to do in case of school closure. In terms of reframing a negative, a school closure might be suggestive as having positive aspects, such as, “It’s going to be nice to spend more time at home together as a family.”
Older Students and Teens
Being informed and being anxious do not have to go hand in hand. Details for this age group, and learning about encouraging details specifically, may be very helpful. There is much misinformation, conspiracy, and fear-based reporting online that an older child may be exposed too, even in texts of conversations with peers. Arming teens with knowledge about realistic and trusted news sources and information may be extremely valuable to share.
Also involving older children in empowering activities can be helpful, with the understanding that a little goes a long way. It might include giving the child hand sanitizer for their backpack, taking them shopping for medicine or food to have on hand during a longer stay at home, or talking about ways to pass time if school is canceled for more than a week.
Here are some more helpful resources:
- American Psychological Association: How to talk to children about difficult news
- Common Sense Media: Explaining the News to Our Kids
- Time Magazine: How to Talk to Kids About the Coronavirus Outbreak
- The New York Times: How to Talk to Kids About Coronavirus
- Centers for Disease Control (CDC)
- World Health Organization
Comments [10]
phillywaldorf
March 11, 2020 at 9:02 pm ,Dear Philly Waldorf School,
Thank you for this wonderful article. I am a kindergarten teacher at Michael Oak Waldorf School in Cape Town, South Africa. May we please have permission to print your article in our school’s weekly newsletter? It will remain unedited and we will name you as the author,stating that it is shared from your school’s website.
It would be much appreciated, as we have just received news that the first case of coronavirus has been confirmed in Cape Town, bringing the national figure to 13 cases at present.
Many parents are worried and don’t know how to approach it with their children.
We would very much appreciate your article as support and advice for our school community.
Stay healthy and stay safe.
Thank you,
With warm regards,
Nicole Sparks
phillywaldorf
March 12, 2020 at 2:44 am ,We hope that our article may be of some small assistance to our friends in Cape Town. Please feel free to share the article along with our heartfelt well-wishes for everyone’s safety.
phillywaldorf
March 14, 2020 at 12:32 am ,Thank you very much and i will share this article in out language helping people understand more!
From the bottom of my heart so thankful you all!
phillywaldorf
March 15, 2020 at 9:08 pm ,Thank you very much, we did share it. As of 18 March, all schools in South Africa will be closed until after the Easter holidays. We hope that everyone will be safe and healthy, in our country, and worldwide.
Thank you x
phillywaldorf
April 11, 2020 at 6:56 pm ,This article is very significant in areas where Covid-19 has been declared a threat to lives, education, and every one seems to live in great fear of the unknown to come. Teachers and parents are marveling at the whole situation, yet this article provides some insights on how to go about keeping young children safe from the trauma and psychological effects of learning about the consequences of Covid-19.
If just you could give permission for me to use this article as it is, with the authors cridentials, to I for my colleagues and our parents on how they could keep the chdren out of the messy circumstances of Covid-19.
I am a Waldorf Special Education Needs Teacher in Kenyan.
phillywaldorf
April 13, 2020 at 5:29 pm ,Dear Josphat, thank you for reading our article. You are most welcome to share the article and we hope that it may be of some help. These unprecedented times call for strength, courage, and flexibility, in order to continue to dedicate ourselves to our students and families. We send warmth of light to you and your community. Blessings on your school.